Take Me Home
by xXKuroshitsujifangirl96Xx
Summary: Dean takes Cas drinking to help the poor guy forget just how bad things are. After dragging Cas out to the parking lot, Dean notices how sad the ex-angel looks and how weird he's acting. He decides to brush it off for now, but he would have some questions for Cas in the morning. Destiel. Rated M for later chapters. Set in season 9
1. Take me home

Dean and Cas were currently sitting side by side at a local bar. Cas wasn't exactly happy that evening and decided hey, why not go get drunk. But before Sam could watch him leave the bunker Dean stopped the has-been angel and suggested that he accompany him.

Honestly Dean was scared to let Castiel go alone. He knew he had taken care of himself so far but Dean couldn't help but feel a little protective of the guy. Besides, going drinking alone is just kind of sad.

It may have been kind of a mistake to let Cas have so many drinks but Dean didn't have the heart to tell him to stop. The guy deserved to get wasted after all the shit he'd been through. Dean knew all too well how good alcohol was at helping you forget things, it was his go to trick to cure racing thoughts that just refused to go away.

Cas had turned out to be a tired drunk. Dean had help keep his head up by grabbing his shoulders and pulling him back so he wouldn't fall asleep on the table. And that's when Dean decided they should call it quits and paid their tab.

The hunter dragged Castiel out of the bar with his arm wrapped around his shoulders to allow the ex-angel some leverage. The last thing he needed was for Cas to fall face-first into some gravel.

Once they got to his car Dean leaned Cas against the hood, hoping he could at least stand there while he rummaged in his pocket to get the keys.

Dean heard a metallic thud and groaned when he looked over to see Cas had fallen on his back against the hood. His eyes were still open so at least he hadn't fallen asleep.

Dean's hand resided in his pocket, his grasp on his keys. He stared at Cas, wondering when he was planning on getting up and get in the Impala.

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly as he tried to understand what Castiel was doing.

"Uh…Cas? You coming by any chance? I mean if you wanna lay there by all means, go for it. But I can't guarantee you won't fall off baby's hood." Dean laughed stiffly.

Castiel's blue eyes, seemingly just as bright in the dark, stayed fixed onto the night sky. It was clear tonight and since they were away from any cities with an abundance of lights the stars were speckling the sky infinitely.

A ragged breath was heard from Cas and Dean quirked his eyebrow. What the hell was he doing? Dean was really confused Castiel because wasn't even answering, he just kept staring wide-eyed at the stars with his arms splayed out on the hood of the Impala.

Castiel opened his mouth to speak, eyes still entranced by the sky.

"Take me home, Dean."

The sentence was raspy but hushed.

Dean's face contorted into confusion. "Uh, earth to Cas, but that's what I've been trying to do since I got you out into the parking lot. If you want to go home then get in the friggin' car."

Castiel sat up and shook his head as if Dean had said something wrong. When his eyes met Dean's the sadness was evident in them. But it was also a gaze of curiousness.

"That's….not what I meant." Cas got off of the hood of the car and stood by the passenger door.

Dean still looked dazed as _fuck_ because he had no clue what the ex-angel was even talking about. He just decided to unlock the car now and ask questions later. And if they hadn't just left a bar, Dean would have said he needed a drink.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

When they returned Sam was still on his laptop. He didn't appear to be doing any research, he was just browsing. Cas went ahead and laid on the couch because he could feel himself falling asleep.

Sam glanced over to the already knocked out man. He then looked to his brother.

"Is he alright?" Sam asked as he closed his laptop.

Dean scratched the back of his head. "Physically, yeah I'd say the guy is fine. He had one too many but he'll be okay."

Sam quirked an eyebrow. "What do you mean _physically_? Did something happen?"

Dean sat down across from his brother and tried to find a good way to explain it.

"I dunno man, he was just kinda out of it. Not piss-poor drunk out of it, but….weird out of it." Dean could see the confusion on his brother's face as he tried to explain what had happened, so he decided to drop it.

"Whatever Dean, you take of him in the morning when he's hungover." Sam muttered as he reached for the charger for his laptop to plug it in.

Dean rolled his eyes. "And why do I have to be the one to deal with him exactly?"

Sam smiled. "Because he **was** _your_ angel and now he's _your_ drinking buddy. So it's your responsibility to deal with him when he's bitchy. I plan on sleeping in so don't bother me."

Sam left the room to go to his own bedroom, leaving Dean in a very quiet room with a very unconscious Castiel.

He sat down on the end of the couch, just enough room to sit with Castiel lying on it. He stared down at the man, hand on his chin.

"Just what the fuck were you talking about….?"

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**Working on the next chapter now, it will probably be up tonight. Reviews are my fuel and make me happy! (The only thing non-canon about this story is that Castiel is allowed to stay instead of having to leave)**


	2. Tension

Morning hit Castiel harder than any fall from heaven could have. His head ached but he could try and power through it. He didn't want to complain to Dean because that would probably bother him. And Castiel didn't want to be bothersome, _especially_ not towards Dean.

Dean came into the room and turned the light on, watching Castiel wince. He smirked, definitely a headache.

"Mornin' sunshine. How's that hangover?" Dean chimed, hand offering Cas a glass of water.

Cas grabbed the glass gently and started chugging. "I do believe you have some type of medication for this, don't you?"

Dean sat down on the couch Cas had just been sleeping on, still warm from body heat.

"Well it's not good to take painkillers while hungover, it thins your blood out. Just take it easy and drink a lot of water and you'll be fine." Dean smiled reassuringly.

Castiel nodded understandingly. He turned his gaze down towards the almost-empty glass in his hands.

Dean felt a little bothered by the blatant sadness still residing in Cas' expression. It was the same as last nights, except he wasn't drunk this time. It wasn't like him to ask what was going on when it came to feelings, but he always asked Cas. Like when Cas came back from Purgatory Dean had asked how he felt. He had this instinct that made him want to keep Cas happy, or at least know what was wrong.

And something was definitely wrong.

Dean rubbed the light stubble on his face and sighed, searching for words in his mind that would sound alright out loud.

"You feeling okay there, Cas?" Dean asked, slight worry in his voice.

Castiel looked up to Dean, almost looking like he had snapped out of a daydream.

"Huh?" Cas mumbled before he realized what Dean had asked him. "Oh….Yes Dean, I'm fine. I'm just still a little tired." Castiel attempted lying and got up to go refill the glass.

Dean wasn't buying it, but he also didn't want to push anything out of Cas. The guy was probably going through a lot in his head and Dean was sure he didn't need people prying.

Castiel leaned against the sink and stared at the glass, now full, in his hand. He sighed, feeling kind of bad for creating tension between him and Dean. He had a lot he wanted to say to him but it wasn't that easy. And since becoming human things were even harder to say. Castiel's confidence dwindled along with his grace.

He caught Dean's eyes on him and felt like he was trapped for a moment there. It was almost like Dean's gaze was cornering him, questioning him.

Castiel sat the glass down but stayed in the kitchen. He turned back to face the sink and looked down and watched the faucet drip into the drain. Cas took a deep breath.

"Do you ever think about what we could have been?"

Dean squinted, what was this about?

"Uh…you're gonna have to be more specific there, Cas." Dean spoke as he got up from the couch.

Cas didn't want him coming any closer because this was hard enough as it was. He was risking a lot here. Rejection, friendship, a punch in the face. This could go wrong in so many ways. But Cas couldn't keep his mouth shut about this for too long or felt like he'd throw up.

Castiel could feel Dean's presence behind him but he remained facing the sink. Scratch that, _talking about it _made him feel like throwing up. If he did at least the sink was there.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, making the queasy feeling dissipate slightly.

"Dude, seriously, are you okay? You look like you're about to hurl." Dean made a face and tried to get Castiel to turn around but they man wouldn't move. Couldn't face Dean.

Castiel shook his head. He needed to say it.

"I wish I had told you how amazed I was by you and all the things you do and all the ways you move or do anything at all." The words came out quickly but were still understandable. Cas' low tone of voice made the words sound sad.

Dean deadpanned. What.

What?

Just as Dean opened his mouth to try and stutter something incoherent Castiel leaned over the sink and retched. He didn't know if it was from the hangover or from the fact that he had just confessed something very risky.

Dean took his hand from its place on Cas' shoulder and went to go fetch a towel. As he ran to the bathroom he couldn't make his head shut up.

_Why did Cas say that? _

Fuck he wished Sam would just get up now so he could have at least _someone_ to talk to this about. Sam could probably decipher this better than he ever could.

Making his way back to the kitchen Dean saw that the water was running in the sink and Castiel was washing his mouth out. Dean was at least glad to see that he was done throwing up and handed him the towel.

Castiel looked frightened and just looked at the towel, then to Dean. He had this expression that said 'If you want to hit me then go ahead, I understand'

Dean couldn't help but feel bad at the kicked puppy expression Cas was sporting.

Dean wiped a hand down his face. Damn this was going to be stressful, he could just feel it.

"Thank you, Dean." Castiel spoke timidly as he took the towel from the hunter and began wiping his mouth off.

Secretly Cas was waiting for Dean to say something, anything. Rejection would have been nicer than silence. Even though he hadn't really asked anything, his words were enough to let Dean know how he really felt.

A glass of water being shoved towards him is what snapped Castiel out of his thoughts. Dean looked like he was trying to smile but it just looked awkward.

Castiel accepted it and sipped on it slowly as they both stood awkwardly against a counter in the kitchen.

Dean looked at the floor, finding patterns in the floor to calm him down.

"So uh, Cas…." Dean started, still staring at the floor.

Castiel glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye, lips still on the rim of the glass.

Dean felt his face heat up with embarrassment, this felt so stupid. But Cas was his friend, was very important to him. Dean didn't want him to feel bad for saying something like that. It was definitely unexpected, but it wasn't a horrible thing.

"Did you really mean what you said? About being amazed by everything I do?" Dean coughed uncomfortably after talking. The room suddenly felt very tense.

Castiel smiled sadly. "Every word."

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**I update fairly quickly because I don't have much else to do. Reviews would make me happy! Let me know what you think so far uwu **


	3. Heartbreak

Thinking things couldn't get any more awkward, Dean and Cas heard Sam's door open.

Dean turned and threw a cup into the sink and turned the water on to make it look like he was doing dishes. He didn't want it to look like he and Cas had just been having a heart-to-heart.

Sam walked into the kitchen and saw Dean actually cleaning for once and Cas sipping on a glass of water. It seemed odd, but Sam was too drowsy to question them.

Instead, Sam went over to take the twist-tie off of the bread so he could make toast.

"Do you want some, Cas? Eating helps you feel better after a night of drinking." Sam offered with a smile, grabbing extra bread.

Castiel nodded and sat the glass down on the counter. "Thank you, Sam."

"Don't mention it."

Dean was taking way too long to clean just a cup, he just kept swirling the dish rag inside of the cup and staring at it intently. To be honest, he looked kind of stupid.

Sam scrunched his face up and looked to his brother. "Uh Dean, I think it's clean now."

Dean stopped washing and began rinsing it. "Yeah…"

"Okay you two, what's going on? I know it's early and all but you're freaking me out more than usual." Sam asked while waiting for his and Castiel's toast to pop up in the toaster.

Dean shrugged, a bit too nonchalantly. "Nothin's going on?"

Sam glared at Dean, giving him a face that said he wasn't buying it. "Okay, then why are you guys being so quiet and why are you pretending to do the dishes? I feel like you're avoiding something."

Dean rolled his eyes. Leave it to Sam to figure shit out.

"Look Sam, we'll talk about this later, okay? Can we please just drop it for now my head is starting hurt." Dean groaned, searching in the refrigerator for something he might want to eat.

Sam was skeptical but excepted the answer he got. He removed the toast from the toaster and put two slices on his plate and two on another for Cas.

Castiel sat with Sam and ate while Dean had a bowl of cereal in the living room by himself.

Sam knew that taking advantage of the situation and giving Cas the third degree wouldn't be very nice, but he just wanted to know what was going on. Besides, Cas was an easier egg to crack than Dean.

"So uh, you wanna tell me what's going on with you and Dean?"

Cas gulped, a chunk of toast sliding down his throat uncomfortably.

Sam could sense the sadness in Castiel, he was wondering if maybe Dean had hurt him or something.

"Okay, either you can tell me and I get the truth or you can let Dean tell me and we both know Dean likes to twist things and not give all the details. You're a more reliable source, Cas." Sam mumbled so Dean couldn't hear them from the room over.

Castiel nodded and sat down the piece of toast he had been eating. "I said something to Dean…"

Sam cocked his eyebrow. Okay?

Castiel could tell he was waiting for more details. He sighed. "He didn't take it very well. At least it seems that way. I doubt he'll be talking to me any time soon."

Okay, at least Dean hadn't hit him or said anything harsh to him. But what could Cas have said that would make Dean not want to talk to him?

"Are you okay with telling me what you said to Dean? I mean Cas you're like a brother to me, you can trust me."

Castiel felt happy that Sam saw him as a brother. He feared that Dean saw him as one though. That would complicate his feelings.

"Overall I confessed my affection towards Dean." Castiel stared at his toast, too embarrassed to look at Sam. He feared he would get made fun of.

Sam snorted, trying not to laugh. Castiel looked hurt as he heard the laugh.

"Oh, no I didn't mean to laugh Cas, I'm sorry. I just think it's funny that you finally said something to him." Sam explained, trying to hold in anymore laughs.

Castiel did not look amused, but he was intrigued. "What do you mean?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Come on Cas, it's pretty obvious you like my brother. I don't have a problem with it but I can't tell if Dean would. I mean you two look at each other more lovingly than any couple I've ever been around, but that doesn't mean you're _both _conscious of it. Maybe he just needs some time." Sam honestly didn't know if Dean completely returned the feelings Cas had, but that wasn't his job to figure out anyway. It was Cas' but Sam was willing to help him out along the way.

Castiel smiled and went back to finishing his toast. He felt a little more hopeful about the situation but his mind still couldn't get away from the possibility of rejection and getting hurt. While he was still an angel these feelings were easy to lock away. It hurt less when he still had his grace.

Sam could see that Cas was beginning to look upset again. He smiled sadly at the ex-angel.

"Cas, I think you're heartbroken."

It seemed being a human hurt a lot more than he thought it would.


	4. Isolated

It was late in the evening and Dean decided to take it upon himself to go get dinner by himself. He insisted that a drive by himself would help clear his head.

Sam let him go begrudgingly, he didn't like when Dean was like this. His brother wasn't exactly an open book to begin with, but he was seeming more cold since this morning. Cas wouldn't even go near Dean after breakfast. He was scared to get snapped at. Cas wasn't really the type to be afraid of people yelling at him, but this was _Dean_. Being yelled at by Dean was like a kick to the heart.

Castiel had been up in a spare bedroom that Sam had fixed up for him so Cas could call it his own.

The ex angel had tried sleeping. He didn't really have any hobbies and he needed something to pass the time. Wait, was that it? Was Cas trying to pass time or was he trying to find something that would block the foreign pain that throbbed deep in his chest; even if for a little while.

A knock was softly thudded against the door to Cas' room. Whatever little grips of sleep he had fallen into after hours was trying was interrupted by Sam's knocking.

"Cas?"

Castiel swallowed. He could tell Sam was wanting to talk. He could tell by that gentle tone he always used with someone when he wanted to get something out of them.

"Yes Sam?" Castiel croaked, his voice rougher than usual from the dryness of his throat. Fuck, how long was it since he took a drink of water? 12 hours?

Sam walked into the room. The sound of the door creaking was louder than it should have been to Cas' ears. He was used to the silence in the room he had been isolating himself in all day.

Sam smiled softly and pulled a chair over that sat at the small desk in Castiel's room. He pulled it up to the bed and sat on it backwards, leaning his chin on the back.

Castiel sat in bed and felt like a child whose father had come to comfort him after a nightmare. He avoided Sam's eyes a started picking at the hem of his blanket.

Sam frowned sadly. He always had a soft spot for people's feelings, it was just how he'd always been. Good thing Ezekiel deep down in there didn't effect that side of him. Not yet at least.

"What's up, Cas?" Sam puffed out, really not knowing how to make conversation with Cas. It never was easy talking to him, Angel or not.

Castiel looked around the room and shrugged lightly. "Sleep I suppose."

Sam breathed through his nose, a kind of laugh that had no noise to is. "Yeah, I can see that. You haven't been out of your room all day."

Castiel swallowed hard. He had hoped that neither of the brothers had noticed. He figured he wasn't really important enough to notice, missing or there.

The look in Cas' eyes said it all. He wanted to tell Sam about how his feelings for Dean were crushing him from the inside out. Wanted to spill his guts to anyone willing to listen. But there was too much hesitance.

"You can talk to me, Cas. Who knows, I might be able to help."

Castiel was honestly grateful that Sam was being so nice to him, treating him like he was a brother. Cas never really knew what it was like to have family. Well, he had family but the angels were nothing like what humans possessed in a family. Humans could be so supportive in each other that it was heart warming and sometimes astonishing.

Castiel looked down again, scratching his arm for no reason. It had become a nervous habit.

Sam may have more patience than Dean, but even he had to draw a line somewhere.

"Listen Cas, I know it's about Dean. And let me tell you, this can only get worse from here if you don't talk about it." Sam sighed, slight annoyance but he wasn't too bothered. He and Dean had gotten used to Cas' difficult conversation tactics enough.

Castiel looked up to Sam. "It's very frightening, Sam."

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. Since when was Cas scared of Dean?

"Uh, you want to elaborate? What's frightening?"

Castiel looked like he was about to just stop talking all together and urge Sam to go away. But the urge to get his feelings out overpowered his bashfulness.

"He's going to think I'm disgusting." Castiel's face was contorted into that serious expression Dean and Sam were so used to seeing.

Sam felt his stomach drop from the sound of actual fear in Castiel's voice. He shifted uncomfortably in the wooden chair. Okay, he couldn't really say anything about that. Of course Sam had never known Dean to be homophobic or anything but he never once found a trace of anything that would show that Dean had a thing for any guy.

Sam let out a troubled sigh. His temples were beginning to hurt.

"So that's why you're afraid to talk to him? You're afraid he's going to think you're gross for liking him?" Sam asked for clarification.

Castiel nodded quickly, feeling his stomach turn at the thought of Dean screaming at him. Calling him homophobic slurs he had already heard from many people since being newly human. He had no idea what humans found so disturbing about same sex relationships, but he couldn't care less about what everyone else thought. It mattered what Dean thought.

Sam nodded in understanding and got off the chair and put it back under the desk where it had been before. He flashed Cas a sad look because hell, he felt bad for him. Now that Sam thought about it, Dean was everything to Cas. He was all he had left. Yeah he had Sam too but that was completely different.

Sam didn't bother saying anything as he exited the room. He knew Cas wasn't much of a talker and that their little chat had already pulled on the ex-angel's heart strings enough.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Dean showed up around 7pm with Chinese food. He didn't seem any better since leaving, he was the same. So much for that whole head clearing thing he had planned out.

Dean opened the plastic bag to sit multiple containers of food out on the table.

"Cas come down yet?" Dean asked, staring down at the table as he opened containers.

Sam shook his head. "No, and I doubt he will be anytime soon. I'll take some food up to him."

Dean glared at his brother. He could tell they talked but didn't really try to pry too much.

"Guy has been acting weird today." Dean mumbles as he get a plate full of food and hands it to Sam to take up to Cas.

Sam looks at his brother before speaking. He's contemplating something. This could make or break Cas and Dean's relationship, but it's better to try and have failed.

Sam turns back to Dean and has very stern look on his face that throws Dean off.

"Go talk to him. He needs you right now." Sam says in all seriousness.

Dean blinks at Sam before trying to blow off the tiny twitch in his chest. "Dude, he has _you_ to talk to. You're better with the whole 'what's wrong?' dealio than I am and we both know that." Dean huffs.

"Dean, go. For Christ's sake he's up there sleeping his life away because he thinks-" Sam stops himself before telling Dean too much. This isn't something he needs to hear from Sam, he needs to hear it directly from Castiel.

Dean looks uncomfortable. Not only does he wish Sam would have finished his sentence but he's feeling a bit guilty that the fact Cas has been MIA all day is his fault.

Dean sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "Fine. But make sure you save me and Cas some food for when I come back from talking to him, Sammy." Dean mumbles, walking in the direction of Cas' room.

Sam smiles, he's glad Dean didn't put up a fight about this. Maybe that drive did clear his head up a bit.


	5. Books

On the way to Cas' room Dean began feeling lightheaded. Dean was pretty sure he was going to fuck up and say something that would upset the guy even more.

Not only is Cas fragile as a flower right now, but Dean had this sarcastic personality about him that often came off as rudeness. He'd have to be careful with Castiel.

Dean's feet stopped outside Castiel's closed door. He stared at his feet as he took several deep breaths. Dean wanted to rehearse something in his head to say but nothing came to mind.

Almost as if his body was acting for him, Dean flinched his hand up shakily to knock.

Just as his hand was about to touch against the wood he stopped, hearing a noise come from inside the room.

Dean put his ear to the door to get a better listen. Wait…was that crying? Was Cas in there crying right now? Was it because of Dean? Did he make Castiel cry?

Dean actually got a little worried and instead of knocking he put his hand on the knob and twisted it silently.

He peeked in first, to see if Cas had seen him open the door or not. He was slightly relieved to see that Cas hadn't noticed him yet.

But what Dean did see broke his heart a little bit. The small lamp on the bedside table was dimming the room in an orange glow. Cas sat up in bed with a book tucked between his face and his knees; fetal position.

Castiel was sobbing into the book that had appeared to be finished since it was open to the last page. Dean wondered what could be so sad about a book, but he'd never get to find out if Cas didn't stop crying all over the pages like that.

Dean walked over to Cas as gently as possible as not to disturb the floor so it wouldn't creak. Cas' sobs were dying down to a quiet crying, the type where tears just fell and everything was dead silent except the sound of the tears hitting pages before seeping into the paper.

Dean sat next to Cas on the bed and didn't really know what to do. So he just put a hand on his shoulder softly.

Cas only brought his head up from the book a little bit before putting it back down into the damp pages. He didn't want to look at Dean right now, it would only make him start crying harder.

Dean tried to push his ego aside and comfort Cas about whatever was making him so sad.

"Somethin' wrong Cas?" Dean's voice was hushed, more gentle than Cas had ever heard it.

Castiel mumbled something inaudible due to the book muffling his speech. Dean grinned slightly and tapped Cas on the back of the head.

"I think you're gonna have to move the book for me to understand you, Cas." Dean's tone had a hint of humor to it. It was a safe amount though. Just enough to lighten the mood and make Castiel feel comfortable.

Cas placed his hands on the book and lifted his face from hit. He kept his knees pressed to his chest but sat the book aside, closing it with a silent pat of the covers touching.

"Bad ending?" Dean asked, keeping his hand on Cas' shoulder. He wanted to rub it or something comforting like that but Dean couldn't bring himself to be that affectionate just yet.

Cas nodded fast as he turned his head to the side. He wouldn't let Dean see his face.

Dean cocked an eyebrow. "You mind telling me what happened?"

Cas took a deep breath, recovering from crying. He finally turned to Dean. Castiel's eyes were glossy with tears and the skin around his eyes had grown slightly read.

Dean felt a punch in his chest. Fuck Cas looked upset.

Cas moved his hand to rub his thumb over the rough cover of the book. He tried to push back another batch of tears that threatened to spill down his face.

"She died before she got to tell her friend she really loved him." Cas felt embarrassed as he spoke. Being human really had made him sensitive. As soon as he finished the book and the last page ended that way he began crying and wishing the book had never been written in the first place.

Dean sorta wanted to laugh. He would have too, be it any other occasion. But something about the way Cas had been acting lately and the fact that he was teary eyed and staring at Dean like he needed a hug made Dean not dare laugh.

Dean smiled instead, moving the hand on Cas' shoulder to wrap his arm around both of Cas' shoulders, bring him in close. Dean thought this would calm him down but instead he was rewarded with Castiel choking out a sob and new tears streaming down his already wet face.

Dean looked wide eyed at Castiel. The fuck did he do?! All he did was try and make him feel better.

Cas looked up at Dean, wiping his eyes. He looked kind of angry border lining hurt. His voice was shaky but he spoke anyway.

"Dean, don't be kind to me now if you're not going to be kind to me later. Please don't say anything you don't really mean. Because I might actually need you one night. It could be 3am and I could be a wreck and you'd have to be willing to comfort me. I'm not as strong minded as I used to be."

Dean was at a loss for words at the moment. Dean was always nice to Cas…right?

"Oh shit…." Dean groaned to himself, running a hand down his own face. He just realized how much of an asshole he had been to Cas lately.

Dean brought both arms around the frustrated and upset ex-angel, pulling him into his chest so he could at least have something to cry against. The dampness forming onto Dean's grey shirt wasn't bothering him as much as he thought it would.

"Cas, we can talk about this. We can-"

Dean was cut off by a gravelly voice that, if he still could, dared to smite him.

"Don't bring me back to life inside just to kill me right after. I can't do this Dean. Not if you're not in this for real. I can't confess things to you if you're not willing to do the same."

A lump was in Dean's throat. "Please Cas, please. C'mon….let's just…let's just do this. We've already lost so much already I doubt we can lose much more. We can talk this out." Dean tried to smile, but he felt a little hurt for some reason.

Castiel just stared at Dean's face for a few minutes, as if trying to decide if Dean was truly serious about this or not. But the ex-angel felt a painful stab in the pit of his stomach that ran up to his chest. This is what Sam had called heartbreak. He only felt it when he was doing anything that involved Dean.

"I can't seem to figure out why everything hurts so much. Especially when I look at you."


End file.
